I have been thinking a lot recently about ny own childhood and the memories I have…

I remember Going to preschool and staring across the yard, over the fences to my house and wondering what was happening while I was at school.

I remember kindergarten, Mr Karter and being so  excited to go to school w my big brother.

I remember 1st grade and having my first “boyfriend” and doing a project in school together where we said we would be married and have kids one day, we even drew our dream house on the paper lol.

I remember in 3rd grade going to summer camp for the first time and making new friends.

I remember all these things from my childhood and I wonder, what will my children remember?

Will they remember the time mommy and daddy were arguing in front if them? Will they remember the time mommy was tired and grumpy and yelled at them for no reason? Will they remember the times mommy gets frustrated with them and loses her patience? Will they only remember the times we spent at the dinner table being told to be quiet and eat bc mommy couldn’t handle the noise any more? Will they remember all the bad things I wish I never did??

Id like to think they will remember the GOOd times. All the times we’ve sat and snuggled watching a movie or reading a book. All the times we’ve cooked a special meal together and enjoyed a trip to sea world or the zoo as a family.  I’d like to think they’ll remember the times I spoke softly to them and told them I love them.

I always say I wish I could be a better mom; have more patience, be more loving, be more creative, be more supportive, be more spontaneous….BE more, DO more, LOVE them more. I always make this promise under my breathe when I’ve lost my cool and have a “grown up” tantrum in front of the kids…I tell myself next time ill BE better….next time…next time just keeps on coming.

Now suddenly my kids are hitting the ages that are full of memories in my life.  I think, “if I remember this age SO well…how will they remember it?” Suddenly now I am out of time…my kids will remember my mistakes as part of their childhood memories, all that time I thought I had to Be better has flown by. 

Such a scary thought to me…. What will they remember??

Leave a Reply