So, when Eric and I were pregnant with our first child I dont remember ever discussing names until after the 20week ultrasound where we found out we were having a boy. wait, now that I think about it I remember going in to the apointment with my mother in law trying desperately to have Eric on the phone while we found out… the cell reception was crappy as expected, but the important thing was he was on the phone when the tech announced it was a boy. We knew right away that we were having a “Kaelob Scott Ranaldi”…so I guess we did talk about names, but I cant remember for the life of me what the girls name would have been, maybe even back then we couldnt agree on a girls name…Either way I am just so impressed at how fitting Kaelobs name turned out to be for him. It was so simple and something we had settled on early on in the pregnancy thst by the time I delivered him it had already sunk in and I felt he had been Kaelob for such a long time before when I first saw him face to face. It was such a wonderful feeling to look at his beautiful little face and think, “he is a perfect Kaelob Scott Ranaldi.”

With Haylee we struggled.  For weeks before the ultrasound apointment we argued back and forth with names. Girls names just seemed to be so much harder. Half of them were just too plain and the other half too weird. Then there were the ones that reminded you of bitchy cheerleaders in high school, or the mean girls that you NEVER want your daughter to end up like, so giving them a similar name just gives you goosebumps…it almost was hopeless. I dont remember if we agreed on a boys name (funny how i dont remember what the opposite sex name would have been haha). At the time we finally decided on Haylee, as much as I disliked the name for all the reasons I had… it fits her perfectly.

Peytne was the same way. For a while there I had fooled myself into thinking i wanted to be surprised and NOT find out the sex of the baby…but then I got the name craze and HAD to know. Go figure then she decided to play difficult and hide for the ultrasound tech.  Eventually we found out she was a she.  Again we spent weeks arguing about names.  I spent days flipping through name books making a list of 30 some odd names that meant something special or sounded beautiful to me, names I thought could be the perfect name and literally in seconds Eric would look over the list and cross each and every one of them off because he didnt like them.  Somehow we worked our way back around to Peytne… I think it changed a couple times but in the end again… her name fits her perfectly.

It just amazes me that somehow before ever meeting my children my husband and I came up with three very unique names that have managed to fit them perfectly in every way. We had not seen them or heard them… we knew nothing about their personality… heck I had JUST started feeling him move in my belly wen I had decided on a name for Kaelob.  But then I think about the people I know who have gone an entire 9 months of pregnancy and then even into weeks after they were born trying to decide a name for their child. Like when you get a new pet and you wait a few weeks to get to know their personality before giving them a name… I couldnt believe people did that with children!! But I do understand how naming my children so early on could seem weird as well.

Which brings me to my current thought… When my grandfather started getting sick I began to hear the name Levi over and over in my heart. His name was Clarence Levi French Jr.. “Levi” was a family name. I know nothing more about it other than it belonged to him and his father, and if i remember correctly he was never too fond of the name so he always went by Clarence L. French or C.L. French.  I remember hearing the name and thinking to myself of the times when Eric and I were discussing children’s names and I kept trying to throw it in the list… Eric would never go for it.  Just like he always tried throwing in his middle name; Hans.  I never agreed because he always wanted it to be a first name for his future son and I worried too much that a child in these modern days would get made fun of for such a different name.. I would however have agreed to use it as a middle name, but he refused to compromise. Not that it mattered much because we had two girls anyway.

When my grandfather started getting worse and we accepted the reality that we were going to lose him “Levi….Levi…..Levi……”Kept echoing in my head. The Author in me then took the name Levi and paired it with Eric’s unused name and suddenly it was like a life was created! I heard “Levi Hans Ranaldi” inside my head and I could picture this beautiful little boy.  How is this possible?! I asked God.  I was filled with this warmth and this strange feeling that this imaginary name truly existed. I had created it just because I am just a weird person that loves to make up names for my stories and just to have a running list going because I have a picky husband….. But when I said it outloud even a smile came to my lips and I knew deep in my heart that somewhere out there now or in the future is a little boy named  Levi Hans Ranaldi waiting for us to welcome him home.

Does this mean we are going to adopt?? I dont know… I dont know if Eric will ever be comfortable adopting or if God will lead us that direction. I also know that I dont perticularly want to be pregnant again lol…. I have the false hope that were I to carry a boy I would save myself the 9months of throwing up, but this has yet to be proven and I have my doubts. Honestly I am open for whatever God has in store for me, but I am excited beyond words to know that one day this little child will come into our lives and complete it.  I have struggled for a long time being able to say at 27, or 26… or even 28 that yes, I am officially done having children. No more EVER. Not only do I feel like that is young to call it quits, whether or not I enjoy being pregnant that isnt even the issue.  I also feel like this isnt something I should decide and take control of. God decides when I am done having children, or when I will carry another child for that matter.  Since this revelation that yes, Levi Hans Ranaldi does/will exist I have felt a contentment knowing that when he does come to us, he will be my answer; my sign that I have looked for that yes, we are done.

So going through our children and laughing at how we went through the naming process I feel so excited and baffled that we are not pregnant, nor are we looking at adoptive children or have even looked into the process at all and yet here is this name… perfect in every way… so perfect in fact that I am filled with the truth that yes indeed this is the name of our future child. Kinda exciting dont ya think??

I grant all of you permission to laugh in my face if years down the line we end up with another girl.(God help us all!)

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