As you can see, I have changed a few things.

A new page, full of old writing (and image errors) but that’s about to change.

Let me tell you something, when life comes at you full swing… silly little public diary entries blog posts get put on the back burner. Everything for me does. Maybe that’s just me, but that’s how I do things and I will not apologize for it.

Tomorrow begins a new era. The first day of a another new phase of life for my kids. There has been so much change in their lives recently. Losing family members, gaining new ones, moving from the only home they’ve ever really known and never thought they’d leave, new home school groups, new friends and neighbors… an entirely new life and lifestyle in Colorado, albeit a great one that we are incredibly thankful for and blessed to have… but very different and new.

SO on Monday August 14th, 2017 my 5th grader and 2nd grader will be walking through the doors of Academy Endeavor Elementary school as full fledged public school students. They are nervous, but excited. Haylee still pretends she isnt happy about this change, but I know she will love it.  She is going to be a big 5th grader, big man on campus as they say.  I expect she is worrying about making friends and trying to fit in as the ‘new kid’ but shes such a friendly, helpful and happy young lady I think she will make fast friends.  Peytne remembers dropping her brother and sister off at school and wishing she could join them, she is excited but very nervous about the unknown. kinder and 1st grade she was home schooled.  she has never truly had an official “first day of school”. Tomorrow is understandably a BIG day for both of them.

As for me? I am struggling with such conflicting emotions; joy, fear, regret, relief, excitement, disappointment…  One side of me realizes that when we chose to home school the kids it was the right decision at the time. And honestly, if you take anything away from this silly little rant/update know this, life happens. Sometimes a decision you made two years ago that made sense and completely fit your family’s needs at that time could very easily become irrelevant. One change in your circumstances could put you back at square one struggling to make all new decisions for your family and you need to remember that at the time you were right in making the decisions you did.  Because now, here we are two years later and I am struggling to not feel like we are giving up or backing out on a plan we set in motion.  We had reasons, GOOD reasons why we were home schooling our kids. I loved it. The kids loved it. It was working for us. I saw a future for us in this plan.   But over time, things have changed.

Although I understand why we are now sending them to public school and working on getting Kaelob there as well… I still struggle with feeling like part of me is giving up too easily. Dont get me wrong, this is the best thing for our kids, right now. But as that door closes I almost feel as if I am grieving that end.  I will miss planning our lessons and finding fun activities for us as a family. I will miss them sleeping in and being able to relax and not having to be to school by a certain ungodly hour of the morning…. every morning. Our life, our routine is about to change dramatically.

In that respect, although I am saying goodbye to being their teacher while also being at their beck and call 24-7, I am saying HELLO! to finding time for ME. My days were filled with lesson plans and fighting with the stubborn child to get through a simple page of work, or buried in a fun project that drew our attention so that I lost track of time and forgot something I had intended to do for myself that day. My outings revolved around their unit studies or home school play groups and field trips.  I suddenly realize, I have time for me. I have mornings where I can sip my coffee and catch up on Game of Thrones, or finish this book I’ve been thumbing through for two months. Hours where I can finally join my friends on long trail runs and get back to daily workouts and classes at the YMCA. ME, TIME FOR ME.

I may be grieving my retirement as their full time, and only, teacher but I am also rejoicing in the return of simply being their mother and finding time for me in those precious hours they are away, learning playing and growing up in the presence of their peers.

Here’s to our Babies growing up!